It has been quite a while since I wrote to this blog. If you've read my last post, "Cognitive Dissonance", you will know that I had started eating animal products. I had given some reason for this, but I have since had time to think more about it and I am understanding better why this happened. Depression was one reason. If you have never been through a severe clinical depression, you will find it difficult to understand how much of a negative effect this has on suffers' lives. I don't know if using this as an excuse is appropriate as I have discovered some other reasons for my decision, but it certainly was a large part of it and I can't help think that I might have made a different decision if I hadn't gone through such a dark period in my life. It is possible that the depression set in motion a domino effect that ultimately led to my change in diet.
Lately I have been reading the book, "The Joyful Vegan: How to Stay Vegan in a World That Wants You to Eat Meat, Dairy, and Egg", by Colleen Patrick-Goudreau. I highly recommend it. She mentions a few reason people go back to an animal based diet which helped my understand myself better. One of the reasons she gives is burnout. After years of guilt over feeling like I wasn't doing enough, trying to be a super-vegan, I finally just gave up, feeling as though I could never be good enough. That, topped with my mental health issues, was a recipe for failure. I've since tried to give myself permission to fail. To not be good enough and accept where I am right now.
She also suggested reading and watching videos to help inspire me and keep me informed. These don't have to be videos of slaughter houses and pushy ultra vegans. In fact, in my case, it might not be good for me at all. So I've started reading more, including adding a few books to my audible account that will help inspire and encourage me.
It is still a difficult journey and probably will remain so for a long time. But I am well on the road to recovery, feeling stronger as far as my mental health goes, learning to forgive myself and taking one small step at a time.
One final step that I have taken is making my journey as a vegan a one issue journey. Previously, because of religious beliefs and health related reasons, I tried to "excuse" my veganism by telling people I was vegan for ethics, religion or health, depending on my audience. With the last two I would tell people I ate a plant based diet in order to avoid discussing ethics.
I have decided going forward that I would only be a vegan for ethical reasons, period. I don't need to give any other reason. It is almost impossible to defend the position using Christianity (except, perhaps, in the Eastern Orthodox Church, where "fasting" is plant based and monks tend to fast all year round - but not the laity), but almost all Christian sects/denominations believe the bible not only allows but also commands the eating of meat. Typically you will here the excuse from these groups, "That is what God created animals for".
I also decided that health reasons were not a good reason for me. Veganism has been scientifically demonstrated to be healthy and meat eating harmful to humans. But, I wouldn't eat animals even if it could be shown that eating meat was healthier. Obviously I would have to eat meat if veganism was deadly to human life, but it isn't and we don't need to even focus on such hyperbole.
So, ethics is the only reason for me to not eat animals. It is a good reason and, in my opinion the best and only real reason to stop. I am happy when anyone for any reason stop eating animals, but for me it will, from now on, be my morals that guide me.
Finally, I am doing this for myself, that is, my morals. I love the animals, I know they feel pain, happiness, sadness, loneliness and every other emotions I have. I want EVERYONE to go vegan. But, I don't care how others take it or what they do with the information I and others provide. My life will continue on just fine without their liking me or my position. I spent a lot of time thinking that my worth as a vegan and a person was tied to everyone else. If I wasn't convince people to go vegan on ethical or health grounds, then I was failing. "Why won't they listen?", "How do they see the videos and read the facts and not become vegan?" are some of the things I would think and say. Now, I don't care if they listen or not. I would love to see people change for any reason, whether it is because of my testimony, others' or because they did their own thinking and research on the subject. But if they don't, then so be it. It isn't going to change my views and I'm not going to let it bother me.
This can sound confusing, I admit. I don't want it to appear that I don't love the animals or the people I talk to (If I loved the animals and not the people I would be just as much a hypocrite as when I loved humans but didn't care about the animals). I just don't want to think it all sits on my shoulders. What they do with the info I give them is not my problem. I am vegan because I, me, myself, love animals and don't want to participate in causing them suffering. I was told once concerning my going vegan, "But you are only one person", to which I responded, "Yes, that is true. But I am one person" (Of course, there are tens of thousands more like me, but you get the point).
I will be writing more about religious views on eating meat and why I think it is either a bad reason to stop or a terrible reason to keep eating animals.
